Snow
We’ve had some snow recently. And, based on that, I think I have come up with some new units of measurement to use. Measuring snow in inches or centimetres (or feet and meters if you live in Canada) is not too useful for teachers. So, in proper Imperial measurement style, here are the new units of snowfall measurement.
Ohcrud = the amount of snow it takes to just flurry about and perhaps lightly dust the grass.
One ohcrud of snow looks impressive but it doesn’t ever stick to the ground. Proper usage: ‘Ohcrud. It’s snowing just enough to disrupt my lesson and get everyone’s hopes up about a snow day.’
Four ohcruds = one ohcrap
One ohcrap is the amount of snow it takes to cover the pavement. At first glance, an ohcrap looks impressive since it sticks to the ground. Upon further inspection, however, an ohcrap is not enough snow to seriously foul up transportation. Proper usage: ‘Ohcrap…why didn’t it snow anymore than that This isn’t nearly enough for a snow day?’
Six ohcraps = one thisreallysucks
One thisreallysucks is the amount of snow it takes to properly cover the pavement and accumulate to a somewhat decent level. It is enough snow to brush off cars. Incidentally, it is also enough snow to mash together to throw across one average-sized English secondary school classroom. Proper usage: ‘Thisreallysucks. There’s snow all over my classroom. Why can’t we have a snow day?’
Four thisreallysucks = one nowimpissed
One nowimpissed is the amount of snow it takes to cover the pavement and the grass, to accumulate, to be wadded into balls and hurled at teachers, to be tracked across carpets and floors, and to properly slog through when you walk outside. Also, one nowimpissed is the amount of snow that falls enough to cause other teachers not to be able to make it to work, resulting in my covering a French class. Proper usage: ‘Nowimpissed…can’t they just call school off already?’
The final measure of snowfall is the itsaboutflippintime. One itsaboutflippintime is the amount of snow it takes to close school for the day. Proper usage: ‘Itsaboutflippin time we had a snow day. I’m going back to bed.’
Unfortunately, it is unknown how many nowimpisseds equal one itsaboutflippintime.
So, to sum up…
Four ohcruds = one ohcrap
Six ohcraps = one thisreallysucks
Four thisreallysucks = one nowimpissed
Therefore, it takes 96 ohcruds to equal one nowimpissed.
The world may never know how many nowimpisseds equal one itsaboutflippintime. But that’s okay. We don’t know how many cups are in a quart either.
Ohcrud = the amount of snow it takes to just flurry about and perhaps lightly dust the grass.
One ohcrud of snow looks impressive but it doesn’t ever stick to the ground. Proper usage: ‘Ohcrud. It’s snowing just enough to disrupt my lesson and get everyone’s hopes up about a snow day.’
Four ohcruds = one ohcrap
One ohcrap is the amount of snow it takes to cover the pavement. At first glance, an ohcrap looks impressive since it sticks to the ground. Upon further inspection, however, an ohcrap is not enough snow to seriously foul up transportation. Proper usage: ‘Ohcrap…why didn’t it snow anymore than that This isn’t nearly enough for a snow day?’
Six ohcraps = one thisreallysucks
One thisreallysucks is the amount of snow it takes to properly cover the pavement and accumulate to a somewhat decent level. It is enough snow to brush off cars. Incidentally, it is also enough snow to mash together to throw across one average-sized English secondary school classroom. Proper usage: ‘Thisreallysucks. There’s snow all over my classroom. Why can’t we have a snow day?’
Four thisreallysucks = one nowimpissed
One nowimpissed is the amount of snow it takes to cover the pavement and the grass, to accumulate, to be wadded into balls and hurled at teachers, to be tracked across carpets and floors, and to properly slog through when you walk outside. Also, one nowimpissed is the amount of snow that falls enough to cause other teachers not to be able to make it to work, resulting in my covering a French class. Proper usage: ‘Nowimpissed…can’t they just call school off already?’
The final measure of snowfall is the itsaboutflippintime. One itsaboutflippintime is the amount of snow it takes to close school for the day. Proper usage: ‘Itsaboutflippin time we had a snow day. I’m going back to bed.’
Unfortunately, it is unknown how many nowimpisseds equal one itsaboutflippintime.
So, to sum up…
Four ohcruds = one ohcrap
Six ohcraps = one thisreallysucks
Four thisreallysucks = one nowimpissed
Therefore, it takes 96 ohcruds to equal one nowimpissed.
The world may never know how many nowimpisseds equal one itsaboutflippintime. But that’s okay. We don’t know how many cups are in a quart either.
posted by Matthew Reames at 3/02/2005 07:34:00 AM
1 Comments:
Eight.
Sometimes you have to use additional 'force' -- Sunday Liz Hogan and I decided that we needed a snow day here in Roanoke. I use the "Let it snow. Let it snow." chant method (It works for me.) While Liz just talks directly to God. A foot of snow fell and we were off Monday and Tuesday.
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